Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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