Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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