dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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