So drunk its hurt
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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