My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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