Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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