is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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