I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
