rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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