i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
thus making me awesome and them whores
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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