She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
