just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
