have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
