I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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