So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
3 2 1 whiskey
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
