he wants to bone in the snuggie
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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