billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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