went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
