I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i drank out of a bidet.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
