I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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