2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
