I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
