She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
