question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
