There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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