Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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