if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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