Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
