Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
