The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
