not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
