Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
