They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
