Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
