Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
