The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
