I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
