420 ftw
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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