I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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