Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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