just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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