is your mom at the bar?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
