If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
