why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
