Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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