Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
