So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
