Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
