Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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