I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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